Aside from that: I

Aside from that: I

Judas, the bag of chips, watched as Saturn passed by them.  He sighed.  “So where are we supposed to meet these people?” He asked.

Liz looked at the navigation computer.  “Just a little further,” Liz said.  “The guy said that there would be a beacon that we’re supposed to find.  The ship will come soon after we arrive.”

“You know, I’ve been thinking about this,” Judas, the bag of chips, said.  “It just seems a little too convenient, you know.  I mean, we’ve got a huge pile of gold, and all we need to do is use this sweet space ship car, fill the trunk with as much sugar as we can, and bring it into space.  I mean, how come sugar is worth a pile of gold?”

“Yeah,” Liz admitted.  “It does seem easy, almost too easy.  But what an adventure, huh?  I mean, no one in my family has left New Jersey in decades, and here I am on my way to the edge of the solar system in a space car.  This is awesome!  How could I have turned it down?”

Judas, the bag of chips, nodded.  She was right.  He sat back and enjoyed the ride.

Ship... and Giq

Ship... and Giq

Giq, the green fellow sitting in the captain’s chair, stood up as Captain Verdana walked through the hatch into the bridge. 

“How are we looking?” Verdana asked as he took his place in the chair.

Giq smiled and said, “Just the normal.  They keep asking about you.  I think you may really be in trouble this time.”  He had a smug smile on his dark green face.  Giq had no hair, small nostrils and a broad mouth with sharp tiny teeth.  His fingers were webbed, and his throat extended as he breathed.  He looked like a toad, really.

“Thanks for noticing,” Verdana retorted.  “Well, lets get it over with.  Where’s every one else?”

“Scub and Dallup are sleeping,” Giq said.  “It was my watch.”

“Fuck,” Verdana said as he punched into the guidance system the location of the Galactic Armada headquarters.    

Well... it was bound to happen...

Well... it was bound to happen...

Captain Verdana sat in his chair, playing with the chain that served as his belt as it dangled loosly between his legs.  The whore was finished, since he was, and she was getting a shower. 

He sighed.  He couldn't help but worry about the future.  The Universe he's known was changing.  The rampant use of Cane was getting out of hand, and even Captain Verdana had to admit this simple truth.  But what could he do now.

Admiral Dallar had called for him to stand before the Galactic Armada Council, and it could only mean one thing.  They were going to call Captain Verdana out about his involvement with making Cane available to the universe. 

But what could he really do?  If he tried to run, how long would it really be before someone would rat him out.  He was famous.  All over the Galaxy, he was known for his heroic deeds. 

"Fuck!" he blurted as he leaned back.  He looked down at his naked crotch and legs.  He stood up with an angry sigh and pulled up his pants.  He looked in the mirror at all six and a half feet of himself.  He was broad shouldered and would have looked lean in the mid section were it not for the pudge from lack of discipline in his diet.  He sucked in his gut and stood proudly for a moment.  He exhaled, and let the pudge win.

He walked into the bathroom where the whore was still showering.  He looked at her almost too perfect body through the transparent force field shower curtain and sighed.  It was a shame, he thought to himself as he blasted her with the laser gun.  She fell, dead, on the floor of the shower, never to give such amazing head again.

Captain Verdana left the room, paid the bellhop to dispose of the whore's body, and he headed to his little private ship.  It was time to see the council...

"Fuck," he muttered as he took off into space.

A begin and end.... um, something.

A begin and end.... um, something.

Judas, the bag of chips, stared into the tranquil waters off the dock in San Diego.  He wondered if any one would believe the story he could tell about his adventures over the past week.  But then, who would even care to listen.

He turned away from the water and smiled as he looked to Liz leaning against the hot red sports car.  She pulled the sunglasses from her face as she smiled.  Judas, the bag of chips, looked Liz up and down, soaking in how amazingly sexy she looked in her tight, short leather dress.  "We moving?" she asked.

"Yeah," Judas, the bag of chips, said as he put his shades on.  He looked down at the bulge that was his cock and realized that all the sacrifices were worth it.  No matter how it turns out. 

Judas, the bag of chips, sat in the car and Liz started it up.  As the car lifted off into the atmosphere, he realized that no one would probably care to hear what had happened to him anyway.

lunch with the Moonkins

lunch with the Moonkins

Liz awoke early Easter morning and took a long, hot shower.  She was hungry and realized she was early enough for breakfast, so she dressed and headed out for breakfast.  The room where breakfast was being served was right next to the office where Liz checked in.  "Hello, dear!" Glyndi greeted sweetly.

Liz looked around at who her company was.  There was a nice looking couple who were midgets, sitting at one of the tables with their two children.  The children were of normal size, but young enough to be only as tall as their dwarfed parents.  Aside from the midgets, there was a scowling young woman with two ugly guys who seemed to be measuring Liz up for something diabolical.

Liz took a seat by herself, and was soon joined by Glyndi.  "What can I get for you, dear?"

Liz ordered some pancakes.  She was sitting there, waiting, when the scowling young woman cam over and sat across from Liz.  She smiled in a sleazy way, and Liz felt her skin crawl.

"Hey, so, traveling?" the young woman asked.

Liz said, "Yeah."

"You wanna earn some gas money?" the woman asked.

Liz understood the deal.  There was probably a van or limo somewhere waiting for a young woman to say yes to sex with a stranger for money to be posted on some crappy website online.  "With those creeps," Liz asked, motioning to the two ugly guys.  "No way."

"C'mon," the woman persisted.  "It's easy, and I'll give you five hundred dollars."

Liz chuckled.  "Piss off.  You know, I'm off to LA to work in the porn industry, but I've at least got enough sense to not say yes to one of your cheesy ass shitty web flix with dirty, likely infected grease ball guys."

the woman stood with a vicious look in her eye.  "Well, fuck you, cunt!  You'll learn!  I'll be sure to see you fuck worse than those guys in L.A.!"

The bitch walked away and Glyndi came out from the kitchen with a stack of pancakes on a plate.

"They try to get you in their van, huh?" Glyndi asked as she sat opposite Liz.

"Yeah, but they're creeps!" Liz said.

Glyndi smiled.  "But your getting into a whole world like them if your off to L.A. for the porn world."

Liz looked at Glyndi in awe and surprise.  "How did you know?"

"I was once where you are," Glyndi said.  "Besides, your friend, the bag of chips was up earlier, and we chatted.  I'll tell you a good piece of advice.  You need to find the right person out there in L.A.  Then your set.  And I happen to know the guy you need to find.  His name's Ozzi Wizald.  People just call him Wiz, and he's got his fingers in all sorts of good things out there.  he can probably help your bag of chips friend to find a cock."  Glyndi smiled sweetly and stood up.  "Well, enjoy your pancakes and remember what I said."

Glyndi headed back into the kitchen, and Liz was left to enjoy the delicious pancakes.

the good bitch...

the good bitch...

Liz drove for a few more hours while Judas, the bag of chips, slept.  Biel-Nar looked over the map.  "So, the website said that it would be about 45 hours of driving," Liz said.  "It doesn't seem that far when you think of it like that, but then you have to think about sleep.  Speaking of, we should find a place to sleep soon.  I'm getting tired."

Liz pulled into a small motel parking lot just past a sign welcoming them to Effinfham, Illinois.  The neon sigh advertised ' vacancy' in the moonlight night.  Liz left Biel-Nar and Judas, the bag of chips in the car as she checked into the little motel. 

The woman who came to the counter to respond to the buzzing of the door bell attatched to the front counter, was obviously sleeping before the buzzer awoked her.

"Welcome to Effingham," the woman said.  "Here for the holiday?"

"No," Liz explained.  "My friends and I are off to Los Angeles."

"Really?"  the woman said.  She smiled from some unspoken memory and simply said, "I used to live there."

"Really?  Must have been nice," Liz speculated.

"Oh, yes it was," the woman said.  the smile seemed to broaden.  "Well, you've got room eleven.  It's right down the walk top the left.  Breakfast is from eight to ten.  Check out is at eleven, but i'm never so strict when it's a holiday."  She handed over a key and said, "The name's Georgia Lynn, but folks call me Glyndi.  Hollar if you need any thing."

Liz left the little office and helped her friends into the room.  She was asleep only minutes after plopping down onto the bed.

keep on moving.. on and um.. yup

keep on moving.. on and um.. yup

Another diner.  Another morning in a new place.  Eaton, Ohio.  Liz looked at the map she had printed from map quest, and she sighed.  "This is going to be a long trip, huh?"

"Where are we now," Judas, the bag of chips, wondered.  "I mean, on the map."

"Here," Liz said as she pointed to a little town surrounded by miles of farmland.  "You know, tomorrow's Easter.  We should do something."

"Like what?" Biel-Nar asked as he stirred the sugar into his sixth cup of coffee.

"We should paint easter eggs!" Liz said. 

"And how will we do that?" Judas, the bag of chips, asked.  "We don't have a way to cook them, much less color them."

"Right," Liz agreed sadly.  "Maybe we could just eat a lot of chocolate."

"I'm in for that," Biel-Nar said. 

Judas, the bag of chips, nodded. 

"So, there was this one time," Judas said after emptying his coffee cup.  "Jesus and Moses were just hanging around a lake in heaven, they got to talking about the past days of glory.  You know, when they were still writing the bible.  They started talking about miracles when Jesus asked Moses, 'You think you could still part the waters like you did to the red sea?'   Moses was like, 'piece of cake.'  So, he goes up to the lake, and after a little bit of concentration, the water moves.  The lake split in two, and a path was made in the muddy lake bottom.  Moses lets it all go back, and then walks back to rejoin Jesus.

"They sit there for a little and then Moses said to his friend, 'Remember that walking on water shit?'  Jesus smiled and said, 'Oh, that was easy.'  So Jesus gets up and goes to the lake.  He takes about three steps on the water and begins to sink slowly.  He walks back to Moses with his head low, and Moses said, 'It's just not the same with those holes in your feet, huh?'"

Ah, It's crucify the christ day!

Ah, It's crucify the christ day!

Liz looked into her coffee as she let the cream swirl on it's own. "You know, my parents were Catholic," she said.  "They had me going  to that church all the time.  Not only did they think my life was a pile of sin, but the Catholics have all these rules and shit.  Man, that shit sucked."

"You know," Judas, the bag of chips, started, "Jesus never wanted people to be like this.  People really have fucked it up over the years.  It was all a big game of 'one up ya!'  It started with, 'hey, I can sit and pray once a week for my soul,' and then it was 'yeah, well I can do that, and not eat steak on friday."  Next thing you know, people are fasting for a month, putting ashes on their heads and bringing home palms...  what the fuck ever happened to having a good time?"

"I know what you mean," Biel-Nar agreed.  "You were there with him, right Judas?"

Judas, the bag of chips, nodded.  "Up to the end."

"Hey," Biel-Nar said with a big grin.  "You know what those letters above Jesus mean.  You know, the ones on the Catholic Crusifix?"

"No, what?" Liz asked.

"I.N.R.I?" Judas, the bag of chips asked.  "No, what?"

"I'm Nailed Right In!," Biel-Nar answered with a loud guffaw.

Liz and Judas, the bag of chips, burst out in laughter as the rest of the people in the diner glared at them.  Liz stopped laughing, wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed.  "We should pay the check and try to find somewhere to sleep tonight."

and so on... and such on... mmm... yeah... such

and so on... and such on... mmm... yeah... such

Liz wanted ice cream.  "The problem is," Liz explained as they walked from the board walk to her car, "there's no ice cream shops open until the weather warms up around here."

"It sounds crappy," Judas, the bag of chips, said.

Liz shrugged.  "Well, it's like anything else around here.  you know, I meet all these people over the summer who say how cool it must be to live here at the beech, but really it's only cool for about four months a year.  the rest of the time, it just sucks."

"That's why your leaving for the other coast?" Biel-Nar asked.

"Naw," Liz said.  She stopped at a little old red Honda and unlocked the door.  "You guys really coming with me to get ice cream?"

Judas, the bag of chips shrugged.  "Why not?"

"You guys are the coolest little things!" Liz said as she opened the passenger door for Judas and Biel-Nar.

She got a triple scoop hot fudge sundae with extra strawberry "goo."

Judas, the bag of chips, and Biel-Nar each got a single scoop of mint-chocolate chip.  They ate in silence for a little while, enjoying their respective choices.

"So," Biel-Nar said, breaking the silence.  "What are you looking for in California?"

Liz smiled and looked around herself quick to see that no one was close enough to hear her.  "I am going to be a porn star," Liz whispered across the table.  "I'm off to be the next big name in porn.  Like I said, I just turned eighteen, and I am ready to really let it all out."

Judas, the bag of chips, nodded.  "Respectable.  I honestly can't think of how many eighteen year olds actually have made it a goal to do porn, and I have to commend you for your conviction to make it happen."

"Aw," Liz said with a heartfelt smile.  "I wish I could take you guys with me.  You two would be great company."

"We could go," Biel-Nar chimed. 

"Really?" Liz exclaimed. 

"Sure," Judas, the bag of chips agreed.  "Could be fun."

"Yippy!" Liz said with her sweet smile.  "This will be so much fun!"

in luck, or having it, or whatever... just got a good...

in luck, or having it, or whatever... just got a good...

Judas, the bag of chips, walked down the empty board walk. 

Biel-Nar looked around at the vacant vacation spot and sighed.  "I guess it's too cold to have people vacationing just yet, huh?" 

"Yeah," Judas, the bag of chips, agreed.  "But that's not why we're here."

"Just curious, but why are we here?" Biel-Nar wondered.

"To look for a way to give me my cock back," Judas, the bag of chips, explained. 

"I know that," Biel-Nar said.  "I mean, why are we here at the New Jersey Beech to look for a cock?"

Judas, the bag of chips, shrugged.  "Just figured I had to start somewhere, and this seemed as good a place as any to start."

"Oh. My. God!" a young woman exasperated as Judas, the bag of chips, and Biel-Nar walked by.  "Are you what I think you are?"

Judas, the bag of chips, stopped and looked at the young woman.  She had a soft, gentle face with full red lips and deep blue eyes.  Her hair was brown with streeks of vibrant red died throughout.  She stood about five feet and a couple of inches tall, and her body was just full enough to give her a nice curve to her waist.  "Excuse me?" Judas, the bag of chips, asked as he absorbed to his memory her beautiful form.

"What are you two?" she asked.

"I'm Biel-Nar, a sock demon," Biel-Nar informed.  "And this is Judas."

"You guys are so cute," she said, crouching down to talk to them. 

Judas, the bag of chips, gained a clear view up the young woman's short skirt to see her blue and white striped panties.  He longed for his cock, but having nothing to help his lust, he averted his eyes to look her in the face.  "Thanks," Judas, the bag of chips, said.

"What are you guys doing out here on the board walk?" She asked.

"Just out for a stroll," Judas, the bag of chips, explained.  "You?"

She shrugged.  "I'm saying goodbye.  I grew up here, and I'm eighteen as of today.  I'm leaving this shitty hole and heading to the other side of the country."

"Really?" Biel-Nar promted.

"I'm off for better shit that this," the young lady said.  "Name's Liz."

"Pleasure to meet you," Judas, the bag of chips, said with a smile.

"Likewise," Liz said.

The week the First: Part the A

The week the First: Part the A

Judas, the bag of chips looked down the road and shivered from the chill in the air.  Biel-Nar was taking a nap in the little bus station.  The bus was running a little late, according to the plump, round man who sat behind the ticket counter.  He was looking at a Maxim magazine, and it was obvious by the greasy smile on him face that he had nothing but the pictures of scantily clad fantasy women in mind as he turned the pages.

Judas, the bag of chips, had a sinking feeling that his little pilgrimage would be of no use.  But he had to try.  Having left only a few days before, he didn't want to feel anything like regret just yet.  Though he did miss the luxury of breakfast on the couch and porn late at night on the computer. 

"Hey," Biel-Nar said as he groggily walked from the bus station.  "It's chilly out here."

"Yeah," Judas, the bag of chips, agreed.  "The bus is late."

"Where are we off to next," Biel-Nar wondered.

"I figure, since we're already heading towards the coast, might as well head to the beech."

"Ugh, Jersey?" Biel-Nar asked.  "Really?"

"Sure, why not?" Judas, the bag of chips, said.  He smiled and looked up.  "Where else we gonna go?"