Nice fucking day, eh?

Nice fucking day, eh?

So I walked out of work today into the spring like air and thought to myself, fuck, it's fucking warm.  I really wanted to tear off the plastic around the fucking windows and let in the fucking nice warm air.

But, Jesus, the sandwich, said that it would be fucking retarded if I did that.  "The second you do that," Jesus, the sandwich, said to me, "it'll be cold and blizzard like!"

So instead, I sat out on my dirty porch and watched the cars drive by.  Jesus, the sandwich said that I should clean the porch, but tomorrow.  First, he wanted me to wash my dishes. 

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I said so," Jesus, the sandwich, answered.

"Can I eat first?" I asked.

"Sure," Jesus, the sandwich said. 

So I pulled out some chips I bought.  Jesus, the sandwich, shouted out.  "Don't eat those!"

I looked at my little bag of chips and shrugged.  "Why not," I wondered.

"Because they are the chips of Judas!" Jesus, the sandwich, revealed to me.

I looked at the bag again and asked it, "Are you Judas?"

"Yes!" Judas, the bag of chips, said.  "I made you buy me so that I may come with you!"

"Why?" I wondered.

"Because, the Sheetz is a scary place to be," Judas, the bag of chips, said.  "I just want a place to go and have fun."

So I ate Jesus, the sandwich.  But I left Judas, the bag of chips, on my kitchen table.  I think he likes to watch the fish in the fish tank.

fuck