Plop Plop Fizz Fuck

Plop Plop Fizz Fuck

"What's with the look on your face?" Judas, the bag of chips asked.

I told him about the imp.

"Yeah?  I had an imp in my pantry once," Judas, the bag of chips said.  "It called itself Shiggle.  I hated the fucking thing.  It loved to eat holes my rice sack.  My poor sack.  I had to fix that sack so many times... I remember my sack.  I loved my sack.  I want a new sack.  Wait, what was I saying?"

I reminded him about the Imp named Shiggle.

"Oh, yeah, that fucker.  Oh, he would do the most damned things to fuck with me.  I tried all sorts of things to get the fucking thing gone, but it just never wanted to get the fuck away.  It loved my pantry.  I tried magic, mouse traps, and even imp porn.  None of it worked."

"Where the fuck do you get imp porn," I wondered.

"You need to have some pretty skilled photographers, but it's possible," Judas, the bag of chips explained.  "There are a few important things to consider when trying to photograph naked imps.  First, they're always naked.  Second, they are terrified of cameras.  But if you're really careful, and you know where to find the imps, you can get pictures if your perfectly still and not let them know you have a camera.

"Once, I got a picture of two imps hammering away on this little girl imp.  I was patient enough to get a dp picture.  those imps were really nasty."

I looked at Judas, the bag of chips.  He looked sad.  I asked why he was sad looking.

"I miss my cock," Judas, the bag of chips, sighed.  "You have no idea how envious I am of you and your ability to masturbate whenever you want to.  I would love to stroke a cock right now."  Judas, the bag of chips, sighed.  "My cock, I mean."

I understood.  I expressed my condolences. 

"Even if I could have come back as a fucking dog... but no.  A fucking bag of god damned mother fucking chips!"  Judas, the bag of chips, was starting to shout.  "Fuck you, you fucking universe!  You can eat shit!"  He calmed down after a few minutes and sighed again.  "I'm tired.  I'm ready for bed."

I left Judas alone and went to look up porn on the computer.  I found this video of this old grandmother getting it from three guys.  It's like a fucking car wreck, but damn it cool to watch.

fuck